Being asked for overtime after time off was agreed

[ihavequestions23]

Okay so basically my mental health has taken a turn for the worse lately, and I missed an overtime shift and a normal shift and had an absence review. In that review my asked all about my mental health as it was relevant to my absences, and we decided on a few things that would help my recovery and also attendance. I am a flexi worker but he himself suggested I could just do my contract shifts for a while until I get back on my feet, but wouldn't want me to suffer financially, so said it was up to me. I ultimately decided for two weeks I would do my contract shifts and then work my way back up to 5, probably after a 4 day week then 5. Before now I've only been doing 5 or 6 day weeks and I've never complained. My friend died, my Dad had a heart attack, and despite all of this I have consistently worked 5 or 6 day weeks. This is the only time I've ever asked him for a favour, saying no to overtime for just two weeks until I am mentally fit, and so he agreed.

Fast forward to today, my second three day week, and just 2 hours into my shift, before even saying hello, I was approached about overtime. I could barely hear the stupid excuses as to why once again I was being made to come in, yet I agreed. I always agree. I always say yes and I hate myself for it. I can barely drag myself out of bed some days but I still do it because in some twisted way I don't want to let them down, even after they let me down. 2 weeks of contract shifts is all I asked for, all I've ever asked for. I work hard, never complain about whatever aisle I'm thrown on, and always get my job done. I finally feel like I am about to burst. I have the signed notes where he agreed to the adjustments but I guess it means nothing since I've been asked already to return to 5 or 6 day weeks. I'm just feeling completely ignored and I also feel that my anxiety is being used to benefit them. They know I am not very assertive and I say yes way too often, even when it's to my own detriment. I think that is why I was approached, because I'm too damn nice.

My colleague talked me out of resigning which I was ready to do today. I still want to resign, but I would be back to square one so I know it's probably better to find another job first, I'm just so upset at the way I've been treated and FINALLY realise that they don't care whatsoever about my mental health, that always comes second to the store. I feel so close to walking away but I know if I do I will just lose everything I've gained this past year- a new place, my job, friends; but at the same time I feel like I am at breaking point and I don't know how much more I can take. What the hell should I do? I feel so stuck.

[Katarn2000]

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now with your mental health. Remember you're not alone in going through this and these feelings will eventually pass.

As to your manager and overtime; communication is key here. You cannot assume your manager can read your mind and if you agree to a shift then they are entitled to think you're ok with it. Having been a manager and also been a colleague with mental health issues in your exact situation regarding overtime I can pretty safely say your manager probably just forgot about the agreement because they are under pressure and have lots on their mind.

If you don't feel confident approaching your manager about this maybe then maybe you could write a letter similar to you post and give it to them or put it in their pigeon hole? That would serve to remind them and also give you a paper trail if they don't get the message.

Hope you feel better soon. We're all rooting for you.

[lucgeo]

Self cert for a week, contact your doctor for a follow up fit for work, and have that stating you are to only work your contracted hours for the next two weeks, or have them sign you off for two weeks..on your return, in your welcome back, state your reason as to your agreement with your manager was not honoured, and you felt pressurised into working extra hours, which put you back in your mental health issues.

A good manager will not "forget" a support plan he has put in place with you, and he will honour that agreement, despite pressure from senior team to get the overtime filled. A bad manager will not "forget" the support plan either, but will ignore it and pressurise you into working overtime, as you are easily manipulated and he knows it!

If you're not a union member, I would urge you to become one, and have them sit in with you at every meeting, they will also ask to see the support plan put in place, and query why it was not adhered to?? The support plan is a written agreement between you and your manager in supporting your attendance, by breaking that agreement, the manager has contributed to your further absence, and a good rep will push for that absence to be disregarded in any future absence %.
You could, instead, have a colleague sit in, but that colleague would need to be of a strong personality with a lot of knowledge on procedures,  and available for every meeting, also be trusted enough not to gossip! If the colleague is not available for a meeting, they can suggest another colleague sit in, whereas if you're a union member, they must adjourn until your chosen rep is available, but if not available for a length of time, another union rep will sit in, and that rep will have all the relevant information, having been made aware of the circumstances beforehand.

I certainly would not put a letter in any managers pigeonhole, stating your mental health issues, which is then left for any one entering that office, to read! Anything relating to your medical history must be kept in your personnel file, as it's protected under the data protection act, choosing to leave it unsecured in a pigeonhole voids that protection. The onus is not on you to remind a manager of your support plan, and the reasons why it was put in place 

DO NOT RESIGN!! If you resign, then you forfeit any benefits you may be entitled to for 6 months.

[lucgeo]

I would add to the above, that if you choose, a rep can speak and ask questions on your behalf in meetings, taking the pressure off you in your mental state.

Mental health is very much on the rise, especially in these very worrying times, and companies are committed to training managers in recognising mental health symptoms in colleagues, and supporting them...obviously your manager missed these training sessions 

I wish you well, and there is help out there such as MIND and bereavement counselling, i think its called CRUSE?

[Katarn2000]

Agreed on do not resign and find a good rep to help you.

[ihavequestions23]

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time right now with your mental health. Remember you're not alone in going through this and these feelings will eventually pass.

As to your manager and overtime; communication is key here. You cannot assume your manager can read your mind and if you agree to a shift then they are entitled to think you're ok with it. Having been a manager and also been a colleague with mental health issues in your exact situation regarding overtime I can pretty safely say your manager probably just forgot about the agreement because they are under pressure and have lots on their mind.

If you don't feel confident approaching your manager about this maybe then maybe you could write a letter similar to you post and give it to them or put it in their pigeon hole? That would serve to remind them and also give you a paper trail if they don't get the message.

Hope you feel better soon. We're all rooting for you.

Thankyou I really appreciate that. It definitely helps to know I'm not alone and I've gotten better at coping the older I've gotten, alas, I'm still only in my 20's, so I have more to learn by way of coping aha.

You're definitely right, and at first I did think he must either be really dense or KNOW it was wrong to ask me, maybe it was the first but I still feel it was the latter. The way he came at me with excuses left right and center, and telling me he didn't want to ask but was made to or whatever, I think it's a manipulation technique to get me to feel bad, they know me by now. But yes, I could be wrong. Although he definitely remembered the agreement, as he asked how my days away had been. He's been reminded anyway, somebody approached him because of how distraught I was today. I just have to remember to be firm next time as I am a pushover and everybody knows it.

Thankyou very much!

[ihavequestions23]

Self cert for a week, contact your doctor for a follow up fit for work, and have that stating you are to only work your contracted hours for the next two weeks, or have them sign you off for two weeks..on your return, in your welcome back, state your reason as to your agreement with your manager was not honoured, and you felt pressurised into working extra hours, which put you back in your mental health issues.

A good manager will not "forget" a support plan he has put in place with you, and he will honour that agreement, despite pressure from senior team to get the overtime filled. A bad manager will not "forget" the support plan either, but will ignore it and pressurise you into working overtime, as you are easily manipulated and he knows it!

If you're not a union member, I would urge you to become one, and have them sit in with you at every meeting, they will also ask to see the support plan put in place, and query why it was not adhered to?? The support plan is a written agreement between you and your manager in supporting your attendance, by breaking that agreement, the manager has contributed to your further absence, and a good rep will push for that absence to be disregarded in any future absence %.
You could, instead, have a colleague sit in, but that colleague would need to be of a strong personality with a lot of knowledge on procedures,  and available for every meeting, also be trusted enough not to gossip! If the colleague is not available for a meeting, they can suggest another colleague sit in, whereas if you're a union member, they must adjourn until your chosen rep is available, but if not available for a length of time, another union rep will sit in, and that rep will have all the relevant information, having been made aware of the circumstances beforehand.

I certainly would not put a letter in any managers pigeonhole, stating your mental health issues, which is then left for any one entering that office, to read! Anything relating to your medical history must be kept in your personnel file, as it's protected under the data protection act, choosing to leave it unsecured in a pigeonhole voids that protection. The onus is not on you to remind a manager of your support plan, and the reasons why it was put in place 

DO NOT RESIGN!! If you resign, then you forfeit any benefits you may be entitled to for 6 months.

That is a good point, a good option, except I know I'd start to feel bad, or at least embarrassed. I'm not one to whine, and had my manager just honoured our agreement and let me work back up to full time, I might have been perfectly happy with doing overtime, but it felt so uncalled for to do it so soon after he'd agreed. He explicitly told me my mental health comes before work needs, but he has proved himself wrong, and my own beliefs rights. It's obvious the needs of the company come first, and why wouldn't they? They are managers after all. But after I thanked them for their support and assured them I would be doing better after coming back if I just had these two weeks where work wasn't the bane of my existence, and they STILL brought me back for overtime, I just feel hurt and angry.

You got it in one. He knows I am anxious about saying no, and that I actually care about my job and others, which is why his almost begging for my overtime using excuses he knows I couldn't say no to, is pure manipulation. Worst thing is I only ever realise it after the fact, and then I've already agreed and it's too late. They're clever like that.

Yeah I am part of the Union, I said no to a union rep, stupidly, because there wasn't one in store that night and I wanted it over and done with. I even got a warning, which I didn't care about, because I was happy to be seemingly receiving support. And another good point, I have the support plan in writing, so if I require further time off because of my mental health, in the next meeting I WILL be bringing my rep and the evidence. I won't post it through the door, I am very private, having other people know about my issues is embarrassing to me so yeah agreed.

I luckily stopped myself from resigning, at least for now. Looking elsewhere for jobs but your answer has been really helpful I appreciate it, thankyou!

[ihavequestions23]

Agreed on do not resign and find a good rep to help you.

Thanks I was so close to it, but looking back on it I feel right now I'd be panicking without a job or income to keep staying where I'm staying. So for now, i'll stay put and see what happens when I bring the union into it

[Tom Hardy]

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying "No". If they ask why? just say I don't have to give you a reason as long as overtime remains voluntary. They will soon get used to not asking you. It will make you feel a bit better.

Good luck

[Welshie]

Have you tried counselling or contacting the mental health helpline , there should be a poster in store . I'm a believer in trying anything before medication.  CBT is very good if your gp offers that service .
Changing jobs right now would just be another stress you dont need . Follow the advice above , it's not about letting them down , it's about making sure you are ok .

[King1999]

Funnily enough your employer also plays a big part in ensuring they aren't damaging your mental health......tosco forgot this when Lewis took over and look how it is in store now.Mental health helplines are useful and so is counselling but you don't need a toss pot manager making things worse if your up to it grievance the more  this happens the company might realise how bad things are....joke I doubt it.

[whatajoke2019]

Unfortunately I can't say too much as people from my store also read this site (I've overheard them talking about it recently) but although my circumstances were different to what you've been through I know how you feel.

In addition to the great advice that's been posted above if you're able to I thoroughly recommend CBT. I had it a number of years ago during a very bad time with my previous employer (not T) and whilst I've struggled at times since I've used some of the techniques provided and it does help.

Also, is there a trusted colleague you're able to talk to in store? I know it's not the easiest of things to talk about but if there's a good friend a problem shared is a problem halved.

Since this pandemic kicked off I am getting better at turning up, doing my job, and going home now. Prior to that I'd jump at the chance of overtime, to the point of burning myself out physically and mentally but there will come a time when you'll be confident enough to say "no" and mean "no".

[Redshoes]

Is it your manager who is asking you about the overtime or another manager.  With the best will in the world mistakes happen. I do agree that you need to try and learn to say no and leaving won't solve this issue, it will follow you. It's also up to your manager to try and ensure others don't ask you to do the overtime though. You need support in this. If it comes to another meeting you can take a family member of friend in with you for moral support, plus a rep. They can't speak and they are attending just to give you that moral support but you have that right so it's not an either or, you can have both a rep and moral support.

[Nomad]

"They can't speak' gross over simplification.