verylittlehelps

Very Little Helps => Dot Com => Topic started by: the-vortex on 19-03-12, 09:08PM

Title: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: the-vortex on 19-03-12, 09:08PM
As Dot Comedy driver of several years standing I am still shocked at some of the ridiculous substitutions offered to out customers.

Can anyone match today's special?  Wanted 2 bags of Marshmallows substituted with 2 sets of 'Happy Birthday' candles!   :o

You couldn't make it up!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: eric79 on 19-03-12, 09:51PM
Surely to do that they would have had to offsale two products?The system now gives you a specific substitute to pick for a product that is offsale, if that isn't available you offsale that and then it allows you to choose a substitution...
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: bennyboy2 on 19-03-12, 10:03PM
No....the system doesn't that's the problem because it's too old and pickers have seconds to pick
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: eric79 on 19-03-12, 11:21PM
Maybe it's changed recently,I was on Dotcom a couple of weeks ago and that was what happened when the substitute was also offsale along with the original product ordered
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: NortholtJohn on 20-03-12, 07:11AM
The teampad makes suggestions for likely substitutions, so I can only summize that the person picking would have gone for the easy option just because it was there on the screen, however suggestions are generated from previous substituted picks and the information added to the database, write or wrong, sadly individuals do not tend to use their common sense these days, in the dotcom store where I work at Greenford there is no substitution option after an offsale, cant think why that's happening, we have been advised by the store manager if there is nothing that closely matches the requested item, to offsale in order that the issue is flagged to stock control.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: ghostraven on 20-03-12, 11:42AM
That's nothing, customer wanted childs bibs but was substituted for breast pads?????
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: dolebob on 20-03-12, 12:19PM
Customer wanted Disney socks, they got Tesco felt tip pens.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Anne on 20-03-12, 12:24PM
two of the most ridiculous substitutions I ever had were (baby) nappies subbed for sanitary towels and baby wipes for moist toilet wipes.
I've had baby milk subbed for tip top evaporated milk and fresh broccoli for dried peas!

Have to say though,I often use Asda or Sainsburys for home shopping as they not only call to ask if you prefer to go without or have a substitution , but they also give you a more expensive equivalent and only charge for what you originally ordered.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lifeguard on 20-03-12, 12:32PM
Anne both are now option with dot com.
My best sub isfire lighters in for sugar cubes. Makes terrible tea
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Loki on 20-03-12, 01:01PM
Nothing as exciting as a anyone else, but I had cat litter instead of cat food. Poor little blighters were starving.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: AlexW on 20-03-12, 03:26PM
I've had a customer who had  frozen broccoli instead of a frozen pizza and another customer had a bar of chocolate instead of a tv guide.

Quote from: Anne on 20-03-12, 12:24PM
Have to say though,I often use Asda or Sainsburys for home shopping as they not only call to ask if you prefer to go without or have a substitution
Never heard of that before, I could be wrong but I'd be surprised if it was the case on every shop. Apart from the huge increase in picking time while they wait to hear back from the customers, I just can't imagine any store having the manpower to make potentially several hundred calls every morning just to check if someone wants subs.

Quote from: Anne on 20-03-12, 12:24PM
but they also give you a more expensive equivalent and only charge for what you originally ordered.

Tesco already do this, if they send something that's more expensive they refund the difference. Also, if they sub or off sale an item that's part of an offer they tend to honour the offer. So a BOGOF where one item is sub'd will usually still be a BOGOF, or if they off sale part of it you get the other part at the reduced price, eg a BOGOF where only 1 item is sent, the remaining item would be charged at half price etc...
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Storck on 20-03-12, 04:21PM
Quote from: the-vortex on 19-03-12, 09:08PM
As Dot Comedy driver of several years standing I am still shocked at some of the ridiculous substitutions offered to out customers.

Can anyone match today's special?  Wanted 2 bags of Marshmallows substituted with 2 sets of 'Happy Birthday' candles!   :o

You couldn't make it up!

There is no way that would ever happen at our store even if the team pad suggested it because they are at the opposite sides of the store and none of the pickers would walk back across as it would kill their pick rate.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 20-03-12, 06:35PM
The oddest thing though is that as strapped for time as pickers are they find time to go several aisles out of their way to find some inappropriate substitute.   :o
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: the-vortex on 20-03-12, 08:23PM
Apparently, the candles substituted are in the same 'cake baking' section as the marshmallows  ???
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 30-06-12, 06:32PM
My daftest one was beef enchiladas instead of mashed potato, but the most ridiculous one ever at my store really does take some beating... the customer ordered tampons, the substitution offered was... a large French stick.  Luckily, it wasn't on my van...!!!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Anne on 30-06-12, 06:38PM
B.O.B, you just made me spill coffee on my laptop!  :D

my sister ordered from Ocado (she had a 25% off voucher) and was substituted pudding rice for cous cous.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: l8r on 30-06-12, 06:43PM
Quote from: B.O.B on 30-06-12, 06:32PM
... the customer ordered tampons, the substitution offered was... a large French stick. 

Surely a little breadstick would have sufficed ?    (-*-)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lord archibald on 23-08-12, 02:17PM
customer order was for goldfish food, they received...............tin of tuna cat food  ;D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: allyjohn on 24-08-12, 08:50PM
My odded sub was several years ago and it was a Kiwi Fruit instead if Black Shoe Polish..
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: AlexW on 24-08-12, 09:00PM
Kiwi shoe polish by any chance?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: oddjob on 25-08-12, 10:29AM
isnt a lot of dot com pickers now young kids with no common sense? and not an ounce of pride in what they do??
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 25-08-12, 02:25PM
But if it is the system suggesting the daft alternatives?  I can see how a heuristic system might get confused between a brand name and a product type.  Of course, like using a sat-nav, the user (picker) needs to apply sanity checks but Tesco likes to brainwash initiative out of its workforce as we all do know.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: the-vortex on 26-08-12, 09:00AM
Have to agree with both recent posters.  The system used to state, "Customer has accepted..." when it is quite clearly not a logical substitution.

My personal gripe is substituting cheese and tomato pizzas with meat topped ones.  A clear veggie option wrongly subbed!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Anne on 26-08-12, 04:16PM
I recently placed an order which included several soya based products, gluten free items and goats milk.

The substitutions were WW sliced bread instead of gluten free, standard wholemeal pasta instead of girlfriend pasta, Long life cows milk instead of goats milk and mozzarella instead of goats cheese. Madness!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Magz21 on 27-08-12, 04:42PM
There are no words..............!!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Faceandgo on 08-09-12, 12:00PM
strawberries    customer comment   must have at least three days life on them

An impossible order , the previous nights deliveries of strawberries only had two days life.
Substitution...err sweetcorn... hmm wonder if she'll want the clotted cream with them  ;D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 08-09-12, 01:58PM
Last time I did my shopping online I ordered Wholemeal bread got a Soreen Maltloaf instead.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: apollo on 08-09-12, 07:19PM
When I worked on dot com the worst sub I herd of was soap instead of mouthwash take the phrase was your mouth out with soap to a whole new level  ;D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: the-vortex on 21-01-13, 09:12PM
New leader in the "Really? That's a valid substitution?" list.

Customer wants ... Robinson's Summer Fruits squash (on offer at 2 for £2.50) gets...


wait for it....


One bottle of squash and...



Three bottles of VDF Merlot  :o

And the Special offer means she paid less that £1 for all three bottles of wine :o
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: seenitall on 22-01-13, 10:11PM
Did the picking system recommend this?

Or did a picker do this (possibly based on instruction entered by customer)

Could be a dodgy customer trying it on (possibly with help from a friend on the dotcom team) as a way of getting cheap wine
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: crg89 on 06-02-13, 11:47PM
Think the funniest substitutions we have had are our dot com have to be someone ordered a pregnancy test and were substituted a pack of condoms and the other one was they order a pack of strawberries are were give a girls swimming costume
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 21-03-13, 02:17PM
Quote from: crg89 on 06-02-13, 11:47PM
someone ordered a pregnancy test and were substituted a pack of condoms
The mind boggles...!!!


We've also had another couple of corkers at our store recently...

1) - customer ordered Aunt Bessie's toad in the hole, customer got... Weight Watchers sweet & sour chicken.  Just what you need to go with your roast dinner!!

2) - customer ordered a pair of ordinary medium-sized tights, customer got... a pair of LARGE-sized cellulite-reducing body-shaping tights.  She was NOT happy about what was implied!!!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lord archibald on 24-03-13, 09:27AM
another good one recently, customer ordered a pregnancy  test, and received a tub of lube...think it was too late for that !
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 24-03-13, 10:03AM
Had onion rings instead of chicken wings this week.  The picker must have been a fan of Thomas the Rhymer (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_the_Rhymer).
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Why do I do it? on 31-03-13, 05:35PM
I had a box of corona yesterday instead of an easter egg the customer kept it as-well said it'll save her going the off-licence later.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: BlueToon on 17-04-13, 11:56AM
Two for you:
Ordered = Marshmallows for baking, Received = 9 inch round cake base.
Ordered = Pack of plug fuses, Received = plastic coat hooks!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Gold_Alien on 17-04-13, 04:04PM
got told about a customer who had ordered a daily paper, was subbed a watermelon!
Saw a tweet to head office on twitter some time back that had been re-tweeted goodness knows how many times.
Customer ordered pack of Rowntrees jelly, subbed... KY Jelly.
Head office comment: That is not an appropriate substitution.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Storck on 17-04-13, 04:55PM
The issue with subs is sometime a customer will accept a stupid sub cos they can use he sub and it save them money, eg nappies instead of sanitary towel. If the person has a child then they save money on the nappies as they only pay the price of the towels. The item then goes on the system as a good sub cos a customer has accepted it. Followed by in experienced picker and it happens again
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lord archibald on 17-04-13, 08:25PM
best one yet this week, customer ordered fags and got........cheese !!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: carl29 on 18-05-13, 03:07PM
i wanted a 1 and 3 numbered candles. sub said 0 and 9 
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: devilslayer on 09-06-13, 06:54PM
Customer ordered a packet of wholemeal flour and received as a substitute a packet of dates.

Both from the Baking Aisle 8-)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: A.T. Walker on 03-07-13, 04:11PM
When I first started I was told that a temp member of staff on his last week had subbed Condoms for a pregnancy test...
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 24-07-13, 08:43PM
We've had several recently where customers have received girls nappies as a substitute for boys ones and vice-versa - puts a whole new spin on the phrase "the baby needs changing"...!   ;)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 24-07-13, 09:17PM
This one could take some beating I ordered Vanilla coca cola but I got a can of vanilla air freshener lol
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 24-07-13, 09:59PM
Nappies are gender specific?  You learn something new every day.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: coffee_tea on 25-07-13, 09:13AM
Boys nappys are absorbent at the front and back, girls nappies are absorbant underneath and at the rear. Anatomically speaking.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 25-07-13, 10:51AM
And there was me thinking that, what with leakage and all, it would be best to be absorbant all over?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: PixieWixie on 10-08-13, 07:52PM
I know this thread is a bit old but nappies come in girls and boys nappies? Which brand?!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: picktocube on 10-08-13, 07:54PM
Huggies,pampers and Tesco own brand
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: PixieWixie on 10-08-13, 07:55PM
Oh and my sub's this week
Risotto rice - sub was chapati flour
500g bag of spinach - sub was 4 whole cauliflowers


Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Anne on 11-08-13, 10:58AM
Just to clear up any confusion in this, it's pull ups/easy ups and pyjama nappies that are gender specific, not the standard type.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: PixieWixie on 11-08-13, 03:39PM
Oops. I best check on my next shop then!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 11-08-13, 05:51PM
Would I be right in thinking this is a cost saving measure by the manufacturers by using less of the absorbent lining?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 20-08-13, 09:36PM
Another good one this week...

Customer ordered a 12v electric pump - the substitute offered was... a set of jump leads.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: 20years on 27-08-13, 09:21PM
The funniest one I heard was a friend had a dozen large eggs ordered, her sub was 12 Cadbury cream eggs. To make it worse she is a slimming group consultant.

Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Tesco bird on 27-08-13, 09:30PM
Mmmmm chocolate omelette. Sounds cracking.  (-*-) (-*-)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: pretendicare on 27-12-13, 06:58PM
Had one customer that received a pack of condoms instead of a pregnancy test.......might be a bit too late for that now, lucky she saw the funny side!  8-)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 10-01-14, 10:49PM
Here's a good one for you... customer ordered fish sauce - substitute offered was... coconut milk.
No - I can't work it out either...!!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: pendulum on 11-01-14, 08:11PM
I've had tinned sardines subbed for "free from" chocolate chip cookies.

It took me a few seconds before I realised the connection... they are next to each other on the shelf.  >:(

Almost certainly a new picker has been rushing and simply done the quickest sub he/she possibly could.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: pip2603 on 11-01-14, 09:10PM
Mine was ordered 2 profriterole stacks and received 4 chocolate eclairs, going to feed 9 people on that , not lol
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: hesketh on 12-01-14, 07:53AM
Quote from: B.O.B on 10-01-14, 10:49PM
Here's a good one for you... customer ordered fish sauce - substitute offered was... coconut milk.
No - I can't work it out either...!!

Both essential for a Thai curry?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 13-01-14, 10:07PM
Got a real corker for you today - I have NO idea how this one got through.

Customer ordered 2x 100 packs of Raffles cigarettes.
Substitution offered was...

2 books of raffle TICKETS.

I kid you not...!!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 13-01-14, 11:27PM
B.O.B,

Do you mean this is what the system said to do or is this what a member of staff picked and sent out. I have never worked with dot com so am a bit in the dark about it all.

Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 14-01-14, 09:32PM
I'm not quite sure how it happened, penguin - I just saw the receipt and thought "You've GOT to be joking...!!"
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: The Mrs on 13-09-14, 12:17AM
Octopus for bread  8-)

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/tesco-replace-customers-bread-ordered-4208890 (http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/tesco-replace-customers-bread-ordered-4208890)

Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Nomad on 13-09-14, 08:54AM
Obviously thought the customer was a sucker  :)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 13-09-14, 10:58AM
What on earth went through someone's head when thinking an octopus would be a good alternative to bread, sometimes you really could not make it up could you.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Eddie Clarke on 13-09-14, 07:22PM
Someone should be asking why the customer was shorted 3 rainbow trout instead of wasting time frigging about on Twitter. Bog standard line trout, out of stock, specialist line octopus in stock. A tiny example why the company is struggling.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: slungmyhoook on 13-09-14, 10:33PM
This is typical
Of the level of intelligence of many of the pickers. Total idiots.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 14-09-14, 08:16AM
No necessarily.  Could be down to poor training provided by the manager or the pressure of meeting an unreasonably high pick rate.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: helpme on 14-09-14, 10:07AM
Raspberry hair conditioner substituted with raspberry flavoured condoms  :D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: slungmyhoook on 14-09-14, 04:52PM
How goofy does someone have to be in that they need training to pick an alternative type of product? Customer orders baked beans... Erm let's think.... Well what would I buy if they had ran out of the beans I normally buy? Erm... A different brand perhaps! Blimey it's a job a trained chimp could do.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: mexicopete on 14-09-14, 05:40PM
Slungmyhook,if only it were that simple.When Dot.com are shortstaffed anybody and I mean anybody can be asked to support them.Most who help have not got a clue as to what they should be giving customers when a substitution occurs.The hand held scanners tell them to give the customers all sorts of weird and wonderful things if they have ordered them with a previous order common sense does not come into the equation according to the computer. :( :(
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: tumshie on 14-09-14, 05:53PM
I don't know anything about picking for dotcom, so I'm just wondering - does the picker know what the customer has originally asked for, or do they just get told the substitution?  and do they have to pick the substitution given by the computer, or can they decide to pick something sensible?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: mexicopete on 14-09-14, 07:08PM
The picker does know what was originally asked for tumshie,and the experienced pickers would override the system and pick something similar to what was ordered.Unfortunately most of the people who are told to support Dot.com are not in the least experienced and have had no training at all on how to do the job,This results in loads of customer complaints. :(
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 14-09-14, 09:49PM
Not forgetting that often managers make the worst and most careless pickers.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: pendulum on 14-09-14, 10:17PM
It would be nice if every picker had to accompany a driver during their training - so they realise there's actually a person who is waiting for their food at the end of the process - and see how bad it is (for customer and driver) when there's items that should have been subbed that weren't (so customer has nothing), or bad subs.

tumshie: you can override the substitution suggestion. You can even override the customers wish to not have any substitution at all, which I do often, because those who disable substitutions are foolish, despite the crazy substitution examples in this thread. It is always better to enable subs, accept the good ones at the doorstep (plenty of times, you gain from them - 1kg of mince for the originally ordered price of 500g, for example) and reject the ones you do not want.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: mexicopete on 15-09-14, 11:02AM
Totally agree with pendulums post,I would give them something better than they asked for,you are never going to have a disappointed shopper doing that.I also would give the customer the original product with the short date,and ask them to use it if they want too.Also most managers are the worst pickers in my opinion.(clueless springs too mind)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Faceandgo on 15-09-14, 12:40PM
We got one order for 12 cucumbers (along with a normal lot of shopping before anyone gets any perverted ideas)

Out of stock, the pick stick suggested 17 half cucumbers  (no we don't know why either)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Kipper11 on 15-09-14, 04:59PM
We had a dot com order for whole salmon recently. We were out of stock. The sub said to give them a boned Kipper!  I refused to give it to the dot com picker and got a suitable sub instead.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 15-09-14, 05:31PM
I ordered online recently, ordered flat top mushrooms, got a cheese and tomato flat bread as the sub.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: The Mrs on 16-09-14, 02:22AM
When I've shopped with Ocado I've had the original item that is out of stock refunded from the bill and the substitute free of charge, all done at the doorstep by the delivery person. Ocado give their dotcomers the freedom to make those kinds of decisions without having to get permission from their manager.  :thumbup:
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: RageInvader on 04-10-14, 09:38PM
We have also been trained to do this with Short Code products
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lpt01 on 03-11-14, 05:32PM
Iv also suggested fetching some pickers out on a run so they can link their picking with a face at the door staring at you in disbelief.
Best one iv personally had;
cust ordered pregnancy test, cust recieved 2x ovulation test kids.
Outstanding job there guys
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Tesco bird on 03-11-14, 06:20PM
Could of been worse... Condoms or nappies!!!!! (-*-) (-*-)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lpt01 on 04-11-14, 12:09PM
Quote from: Tesco bird on 03-11-14, 06:20PM
Could of been worse... Condoms or nappies!!!!! (-*-) (-*-)
Haha dont give them any ideas
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Johnpaul on 10-11-14, 08:44PM
Once had the enjoyment of delivering to a customer who had ordered a pregnancy test. Her substitution was a pack of durex....
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: choppers dad on 08-01-15, 10:26PM
Been a driver for three years and i have seen a few, detol antibactireal wipes and got a box of dishwasher tablets. A box of plasters and got a packet of sanitary towels, A garlic press and got a soup ladle, there really are to many to mention.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Nomad on 06-12-15, 10:48AM
Not crazy perhaps but related.



(http://www.independent.co.uk/money/spend-save/tesco-substituted-my-carefully-picked-bottles-f***ed-bottles-for-cheaper-alternatives-a6761226.html%5B/url)
QuoteIt seemed such a good offer to me that I decided to order some bottles of the wine we regularly drink at home; and with the Christmas season approaching I went online to order 24 bottles, which were due to be delivered last Sunday.

When the driver turned up I got a shock. Most of the bottles I ordered weren't actually available, he told me. So, to my astonishment, the supermarket had substituted my carefully picked wines with some cheaper alternatives.

Are there rules/guidelines regarding quality of substitutions  :question:
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Loki on 06-12-15, 11:16AM
Judging from recent events, "any s**t will do".
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: mexicopete on 06-12-15, 01:22PM
@Nomad as far as I am aware the pickers should be offering something of at least comparable price, ours are told to give the customer better if nothing comparable is in stock. :) :) :)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Loki on 06-12-15, 02:46PM
From substituting beans for marbles to substituting a living wage for a discretionary bonus.

F**kwits!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: VladPutin on 06-12-15, 04:50PM
Can't say I have much sympathy for the customers. If you're too lazy to do your own shopping, you take what you're given.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Red Rock on 06-12-15, 05:05PM
"Can't say I have much sympathy for the customers. If you're too lazy to do your own shopping, you take what you're given."

VladPutin,

Really and that's a factor that gets retail and bad name.  Honestly, who puts the money in the tills?  Customers you muppet. 
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: mexicopete on 06-12-15, 05:34PM
Quote from: Loki on 06-12-15, 02:46PM
From substituting beans for marbles to substituting a living wage for a discretionary bonus.

F**kwits!

:'( :'( :'( :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: VladPutin on 06-12-15, 06:42PM
Quote from: Red Rock on 06-12-15, 05:05PM
"Can't say I have much sympathy for the customers. If you're too lazy to do your own shopping, you take what you're given."

VladPutin,

Really and that's a factor that gets retail and bad name.  Honestly, who puts the money in the tills?  Customers you muppet.

And without criminals, police would be out of a job. But when a copper get's killed in the line of duty, his colleagues rarely see the irony. 8-)

And there will always be more customers. Lack of customers isn't the problem. It's the managers who want to treat each customer as a special little snowflake, instead of sheep to be fleeced.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: usualsuspect on 06-12-15, 07:54PM
A lot of elderly , mentally challenged ,  sick and disabled folk shop with home delivery.

Are you suggesting that you steal their meagre funds by subbing any old rubbish.

US

[gmod]Edited to remove abusive comment to a VLH member. tumshie[/gmod]
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: VladPutin on 06-12-15, 09:31PM
[gmod]Edited to remove abusive comment towards customers. tumshie[/gmod]

My favourite comment from a Dot Comedian is always, "The customer wants X with four days code on it." Well, yes, but want doesn't get. I want to wake up tomorrow with several Billion in my bank account and Jennifer Lawrence in my bed, but I've learned to live with disappointment, and the customer will have to as well. :D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: formerscoboy on 06-12-15, 09:50PM
Still think someone should bring a lucky dip option where you pay £3 and the picker choose something ...imagine the fun!

[gmod]Edited to remove poor attempt at profanity. tumshie[/gmod]
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Shana on 09-12-15, 09:59PM
Quote from: formerscoboy on 06-12-15, 09:50PM
Still think someone should bring a lucky dip option where you pay £3 and the picker choose something
Don't some pickers do that already? That's what it looks like sometimes!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Diggory on 13-12-15, 04:45PM
I had a customer request some vaseline and the sub was painkillers.   :'(
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: BANDERSNATCH on 13-12-15, 05:46PM
Rub an aspirin on it and if it's no better come back and see me.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 13-12-15, 06:29PM
Best one yet Tesco went to Helfords for a senior manager and got sent a total moron instead  :-X
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Bluevanman on 05-02-16, 01:22PM
Quote from: the-vortex on 19-03-12, 09:08PM
As Dot Comedy driver of several years standing I am still shocked at some of the ridiculous substitutions offered to out customers.

Can anyone match today's special?  Wanted 2 bags of Marshmallows substituted with 2 sets of 'Happy Birthday' candles!   :o

You couldn't make it up!

Around xmas customer ordered a local paper and got a Xmas tree bauble containing make up
another was they ordered 6 bottles of gluten free beer got 6 boxes of gluten free chocolate cake mix
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Shana on 07-02-16, 06:38PM
Ordered value cabbage, got iceberg lettuce. Hangars for spray bottles and my absolute favourite,  ordered mince got lettuce ???
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: allyjohn on 20-02-16, 01:56PM
My recent one was Mixed Mushroom Stir Fry for Mushrooms,
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: mexicopete on 20-02-16, 02:30PM
At least it had mushroom in, just in jigsaw form. ;) ;) :D :D :D :D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: therustingretailgiant on 06-03-16, 11:42AM
Quote from: the-vortex on 19-03-12, 09:08PM
As Dot Comedy driver of several years standing I am still shocked at some of the ridiculous substitutions offered to out customers.

Can anyone match today's special?  Wanted 2 bags of Marshmallows substituted with 2 sets of 'Happy Birthday' candles!   :o

You couldn't make it up!
I've seen a sub for sanitary towels... it was a sachet of hair dye
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 06-03-16, 08:53PM
Some recent corkers at my store:

Customer ordered 1 aubergine - got 2 bulbs of garlic.
Customer ordered 3 aubergines - got 3 cucumbers (she'd already ordered 2 anyway).
Customer ordered toothpaste - got Nurofen sinus relief tablets.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: sep1985 on 09-03-16, 09:10PM
A customer wanted free from sausages, they got.....a dame bar cake ! Filled with gluten, lactose, sugars...everything that free from products don't have. WTF ?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 18-03-16, 11:07AM
But by far my best one occurred just a couple of weeks ago.  Customer ordered disinfectant, but received a bag of dry cat food. 

Shame she doesn't have a cat...
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Eggbert Nobacon on 29-04-16, 04:16PM
we have had 2 classics that have amused rather than worried, 1 customer orders toilet rolls gets naan breads, 2 customer orders leg of lamb gets block of cheese
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 29-04-16, 04:31PM
Can anyone who works in dot com enlighten me, do the pickers themselves select the substitute item or does the system select it.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Ladyb2016 on 30-04-16, 06:45AM
The system does give you a choice but the picker has the final say
That's why there are so many strange choices when you sub.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: dazzle on 27-11-16, 05:42PM
Funniest sub ever. Iordered a duck driver but i got subbed duck toilet cleaner..  hahaha. :D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: JL on 27-11-16, 05:45PM
Alot of pickers like to have a laugh with this.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Nomad on 12-12-18, 10:32AM
https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/3608786/tesco-substitution-quality-street-bath-mat-reddit/ (https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/news/3608786/tesco-substitution-quality-street-bath-mat-reddit/)

QuoteSOME TIN WRONG Tesco customer baffled after bungling delivery staff substitute online order of eight Quality Street tins for a BATH MAT

At least it was not a chocolate bath mat.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Thinpatience on 26-02-19, 08:53PM
Substitution  is very much common sense , but then we don't all have it 😂
Fruit substitutions are the worst , for etc if a particular apple say for instance a Gala apple is not in stock it will tell you to substitute for a banana or something not remotely similar 😂 the system is flawed .
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Swampy on 07-03-19, 12:57PM
I think I can top trump all of the above, delivery to a young couple, instead of 12 condoms......wait for it..........drum roll......it was substituted with............. Durex Lubricant!!!!!!!    Now whoever picked this order has a sense of humour of the highest order..........Strangely the girlfriend refused the sub. :o
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: optout on 07-03-19, 08:27PM
surely 12 small produce bags would have performed the same function, and cost nothing.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Swampy on 08-03-19, 10:59AM

Got to say 'Optout'.... I thought romance was dead but you certainly know how to treat the ladies...   8)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: optout on 08-03-19, 01:55PM
chucks what can I say, your making me blush.....trade secrets and all that.....Not for me of course...if it were for me the obvious substitution would be 12 50Litre bin bags....Ahem :-[
no expense spared Swampy, no expense spared.

Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Ford Torino on 09-10-19, 03:16PM
Quote from: Thinpatience on 26-02-19, 08:53PM
Substitution  is very much common sense , but then we don't all have it 😂
Fruit substitutions are the worst , for etc if a particular apple say for instance a Gala apple is not in stock it will tell you to substitute for a banana or something not remotely similar 😂 the system is flawed .

This morning before going to work, I happened to be reading all about the Colossus decryption computer, the brilliant men and women who worked at Bletchley Park, and the key roles they played in helping the Allies to win the Second World War.

When I got to work, it turns out nearly 80 years later, Tesco computers can't tell the difference between a leek and an avocado.

I'll say the system's flawed!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: gomezz on 09-10-19, 11:25PM
Quote from: Ford Torino on 09-10-19, 03:16PMthe brilliant men and women who worked
This is the key difference.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: CosmicSpacehead on 10-10-19, 12:07AM
While the pre selected substitutes aren't that bad (anymore), things get funny when the pickers have to engage a braincell or two.

A shortlist of today's subs.
Ordered 4x 4 pint semi skimmed milk.
Received 16x 2 pint semi skimmed milk.

Same run, different customer.
Ordered 1x 6 pint semi skimmed milk.
Received 1x 2 pint semi skimmed milk.

Same run again, different customer.
Ordered Tofu.
Received Amoy Noodles.

Last week.
Ordered 6x mixer sized cans of diet coke.
Received 10x 1.75l coke zero bottles.
The tray was almost too heavy to lift to the top shelf it was supposed to go on, and all the other shopping was just piled on top.

Best substitute I've ever seen;
Ordered frozen pizza.
Received Medium T-Shirt.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: des on 10-10-19, 09:42AM
Best one citrus orange instead of an orange pepper.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: hesketh on 10-10-19, 01:40PM
We regularly order Nanny State alcohol free beer. It is always substituted with Indie Pale Ale 4.2%.

Except it isn't, we still get the Nanny State as well as the Price Match Refund ;D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 18-11-19, 04:08PM
I had two in one night recently who ordered kitchen roll, but got toilet roll...
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: fatboy on 18-11-19, 04:44PM
Potato peeler substituted with a tin opener
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Jobless on 18-11-19, 09:59PM
Have a look round and check for Tesco value items which are going to be out of stock for a while. Order these accepting subs and you'll get the high value branded alternative knocked down. 
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Miremare on 12-02-20, 09:46AM
In our store celeriac( is not available )  is system generated suggestion sub of woman's own magazine.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: M2EGM124 on 23-05-20, 01:16PM
Over the last few weeks I have seen

Ordered condoms subbed for binbags (seriously!)
Ordered toothpaste - sent haemhorroid cream
Baby milk - sent rusks



Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: fatboy on 24-05-20, 08:38AM
Ordered chicken sandwich sent lawn seed
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: dotnochance on 24-05-20, 06:02PM
Get lawn seed, grow amazing garden then get chickens! wait till adults, then kill them put on sandwich. So is it a bad sub?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 25-05-20, 12:13AM
Best one I have seen recently, ordered tinned sweetcorn, got a travel sewing kit.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: blueberet on 26-05-20, 10:58AM
There's a post on the casualuk reddit where someone was sent 6 door mats instead of 6 dining table place mats. Can't post a link but their picture makes it, /r/CasualUK/comments/gq902j/tesco_sent_a_mate_6_doormats_instead_of_6_dining
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: VladPutin on 22-06-20, 04:59PM
No sympathy for the locusts' customers. If you're too lazy or weak to do your own shopping, then take or leave whatever you get in substitution.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Welshie on 22-06-20, 05:35PM
Vlad , you must be very confident you'll never get Ill and suddenly find yourself unable to do all the things you did . People are not lazy or weak , the are extremely vulnerable to a virus . Shielding is not actually easy especially when it's been for so long. 
But I forgot you like to troll everyone .
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: MonkeyPudding on 22-06-20, 11:27PM
Ordered disposable vinyl gloves - got a pack of safety pins!   :D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Nomad on 23-06-20, 11:21AM
Quote from: VladPutin on 22-06-20, 04:59PM
No sympathy for the locusts' customers. If you're too lazy or weak to do your own shopping, then take or leave whatever you get in substitution.

[admin]By your remarks you are insulting members of many families, including mine. Think carefully if you wish to continue to post on VLH. Nomad[/admin]
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: B.O.B on 25-09-20, 10:17PM
A new personal best one for me tonight.

Customer ordered a pouch of Amber Leaf tobacco. 
They received (and I swear I’m not making this up)... a Fresh Linen CAR AIR FRESHENER.   

Thank God they saw the funny side...
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: hesketh on 26-09-20, 04:16PM
Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: dizzy_1 on 26-09-20, 05:01PM
Quote from: B.O.B on 25-09-20, 10:17PM
A new personal best one for me tonight.

Customer ordered a pouch of Amber Leaf tobacco. 
They received (and I swear I’m not making this up)... a Fresh Linen CAR AIR FRESHENER.   

Thank God they saw the funny side...
Maybe if it was tobacco scented but how is that even considered a sub? isn't it meant to be something similar?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: lukedotcom on 29-10-20, 04:31PM
Strawberry Jam wanted...Substituted with Vaseline!...WTF!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: dotnochance on 29-10-20, 07:18PM
My friend ordered cigarettes the other week, didn’t have any and got subbed for nicorette patches, he couldn’t really get mad! Tesco just want him to stop smoking I guess
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: notsofunny on 30-10-20, 02:57PM

who decides what product is to be used as a substitution ? is it the picker or the PDCU ?
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Welshie on 30-10-20, 07:49PM
The handset tells you but you can just hit the unavailable button and pick something more appropriate.  Should add though that it's a year or two since I've picked so could have changed
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: penguin on 31-10-20, 06:59PM
A bloke I work with ordered ice cubes, sub was a block of Cathedral City.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: kaled78 on 01-11-20, 08:12AM
someone I know ordered dishwasher salt and got table salt as a sub
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Nomad on 06-12-20, 10:40AM
https://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/people/tesco-delivers-portsmouth-woman-ludicrous-two-tins-beans-advent-calendar-substitution-3058354 (https://www.portsmouth.co.uk/news/people/tesco-delivers-portsmouth-woman-ludicrous-two-tins-beans-advent-calendar-substitution-3058354)

QuoteTesco delivers Portsmouth woman 'ludicrous' two tins of beans in advent calendar substitution

Good for the little ones bad for the atmosphere  ;)
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Dorsetdave on 29-04-21, 11:55AM
Best I've seen, no pregnancy test so subbed for condoms  ;D
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: DINEW on 10-01-22, 08:46PM
The best one going round our store at the moment is

Joint of pork substituted for ........  tuna and sweetcorn sandwich filler

Explain that on a Saturday afternoon when the joint is needed for Sunday lunch
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: breeksy on 31-10-22, 08:08AM
Someone wanted 8 tomatoes.

The handset suggested I sub them with 47 packs of 6 tomatoes.
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Sherwoodforest on 31-10-22, 03:13PM
At asda it subbed toilet roll for kitchen towel and diced onion for chopped carrots,who puts carrots on hot dogs????just send me a onion ffs
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: ll on 01-11-22, 07:53PM
Someone ordered 1 pack of roast beef from the counter, sub suggested 11 pks from cooked meats aisle instead.  ??? 
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: Paupers wage on 02-11-22, 02:00PM
I have a wry smile when the question of subs comes up, thinking why would you stay at home if fit and healthy and you work at Tesco's leave a basic requirement like food shopping to a third party ie a picker!
Title: Re: Crazy Substitutions
Post by: BritishRacingGreen on 03-11-22, 03:44PM
@Paupers wage
1-I hate shopping with a vengeance
2-The store I work in doesn't stock everything I want
3-Home delivery means I don't have to make a round trip of 25 miles
4-I don't have to unload the car and carry everything up the path to the door
5-My colleague discount easily covers the pick and pack charge
6-Never in all the years I've used home delivery have I had any problems with items not being available
7-I don't forget anything and don't spend extra on impulse buys
8-It's so worth it for me as a money and time saver