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Author Topic: The Ballad of Drastic Dave  (Read 4807 times)

Voices Of Reason

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The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« on: 09-02-19, 01:02AM »
There once was a man called drastic Dave,
Who took away the benefits Tesco once gave.
Drastic didn’t mind inflicting staff pain,
As long as he got his bonus again & again
Cutting thousands of hours is Dave’s big goal,
In the name of Simplification staff are put on the dole.
Dave cut and slashed at the staff on the counters,
In his insatiable battle with the German discounters.
As Dave desperately looked for hours to shave,
His axe fell on stock control, they’ll need to be brave.
As nasty Dave took away their hot food,
The poor defenceless staff cried and they booed.
As terrible stories of Dave’s job cuts are leaked,
Staff turmoil and misery ultimately peaked.
As staff are left totally in the dark,
Rumours and gossip leaves a big mark.
As service across the shops becomes dire,
Miraculously Davey’s bonuses grow higher & higher.
As Dave stuck to the toughest of courses,
He removed all the mince that was once full of horses.
Dave closes shops & offices with great ease,
It’s the big cats in the city that Dave wants to please
All the staff who once worked with great pride,
Can’t understand why Tesco’s loyalty to them died.
Dave’s plans are certain to make us all blue,
But my manager still wants me to fill in what matters to you!
So Dave, try as you will to keep the cuts on track,
We’ve nothing left to give but the shirts on our back.A

Lunamoonhare

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #1 on: 09-02-19, 08:52AM »
Very moving.

Nomad

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #2 on: 09-02-19, 10:32AM »
excellent, love it  :thumbup:
Nomad ( Forum Admin )
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cityboy

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #3 on: 09-02-19, 11:47AM »
I've heard that D.L. is Mrs.T's love child,(not so wild),

Pochin123

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #4 on: 09-02-19, 03:48PM »
No truer words said.
Has This Been Briefed Out??

Aero

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #5 on: 09-02-19, 04:01PM »
Excellent observations.

Nomad

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #6 on: 09-02-19, 06:15PM »
It's worthy of being picked up by some branch of the media.
Nomad ( Forum Admin )
It's better to be up in arms than down on your knees.

Equalizer87

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #7 on: 09-02-19, 07:49PM »
By far the best description of the state of the company. Words could not be truer.
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing"

captain

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #8 on: 10-02-19, 06:05AM »
There was a old man called Dave
Who didn't know how to behave
Cut the staff to the bone
Now he's left on his own
But think of the money he'll save

penguin

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #9 on: 10-02-19, 01:29PM »
Someone should do a Ballard of Matt the tw*t, the idiot who you will remember got paid millions of pounds for writing thoughts for the week and going into a superstore and asking staff to sing if your happy and you know it clap your hands.
Tesco - the moden day word for workhouse

whatajoke2019

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #10 on: 10-02-19, 10:18PM »
Absolutely brilliant!

There was once a d!ck head called Matt
Who said if you're happy, give me a clap
His thoughts of the week
Were sh-tty and weak
Shame he forgot
He's a tw!t

BarryZola

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #11 on: 11-02-19, 07:13PM »
When Dave picks up his yearly bonus,
 he shouts "Show me the money!",
But when I get my 6 years compo backpay,
that s**t is gonna be SOOOOO funny!

 >:D

Lunamoonhare

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #12 on: 12-02-19, 12:29PM »
A couple of haikus:

Those on the shop floor
Suffer most from these cut backs
CEO cares not

Every layoff helps
Shareholders are delighted
Hard workers ignored

1

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #13 on: 12-02-19, 12:48PM »
It's not even delighting the shareholders

Lunamoonhare

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #14 on: 12-02-19, 01:08PM »
It fit the format for a haiku....and greater profits will please the major shareholders. Not the likes of GAs on the shop floor, though, granted.

oldandundervalued

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #15 on: 12-02-19, 01:11PM »
Dave said that he’d lead from the front
But lives are destroyed to be blunt
Takes his millions and laughs
Pure contempt for the staff
He really is one evil Chief Executive Officer

dataself

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #16 on: 12-02-19, 03:02PM »
Thanks for making me smile on a day that's been c**p as usual at work, I feel loads better now, please keep them coming, and so true they are, I believe that he screwed the staff at Unilever in the day he was c.e.o there too.

lackofinterest

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #17 on: 12-02-19, 05:41PM »
he'll do the same wherever he goes next. it's all he knows. he thrives on it because he's a selfish, capitalistic piece of shite >:(

whatajoke2019

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #18 on: 13-02-19, 12:06PM »
Drastic is his name
Unemployment is the game
The T---o tree
He tried to chop
And how we laugh
As the share price flops

Nomad

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Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
« Reply #19 on: 13-02-19, 07:39PM »
This thread started well but has now descended into using unpleasant words/remarks to make a "rhyme".  So before it goes to far it is being locked.
Nomad ( Forum Admin )
It's better to be up in arms than down on your knees.