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Very Little Helps => Stores => Topic started by: Voices Of Reason on 09-02-19, 01:02AM

Title: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Voices Of Reason on 09-02-19, 01:02AM
There once was a man called drastic Dave,
Who took away the benefits Tesco once gave.
Drastic didn’t mind inflicting staff pain,
As long as he got his bonus again & again
Cutting thousands of hours is Dave’s big goal,
In the name of Simplification staff are put on the dole.
Dave cut and slashed at the staff on the counters,
In his insatiable battle with the German discounters.
As Dave desperately looked for hours to shave,
His axe fell on stock control, they’ll need to be brave.
As nasty Dave took away their hot food,
The poor defenceless staff cried and they booed.
As terrible stories of Dave’s job cuts are leaked,
Staff turmoil and misery ultimately peaked.
As staff are left totally in the dark,
Rumours and gossip leaves a big mark.
As service across the shops becomes dire,
Miraculously Davey’s bonuses grow higher & higher.
As Dave stuck to the toughest of courses,
He removed all the mince that was once full of horses.
Dave closes shops & offices with great ease,
It’s the big cats in the city that Dave wants to please
All the staff who once worked with great pride,
Can’t understand why Tesco’s loyalty to them died.
Dave’s plans are certain to make us all blue,
But my manager still wants me to fill in what matters to you!
So Dave, try as you will to keep the cuts on track,
We’ve nothing left to give but the shirts on our back.A
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Lunamoonhare on 09-02-19, 08:52AM
Very moving.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Nomad on 09-02-19, 10:32AM
excellent, love it  :thumbup:
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: cityboy on 09-02-19, 11:47AM
I've heard that D.L. is Mrs.T's love child,(not so wild),
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Pochin123 on 09-02-19, 03:48PM
No truer words said.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Aero on 09-02-19, 04:01PM
Excellent observations.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Nomad on 09-02-19, 06:15PM
It's worthy of being picked up by some branch of the media.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Equalizer87 on 09-02-19, 07:49PM
By far the best description of the state of the company. Words could not be truer.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: captain on 10-02-19, 06:05AM
There was a old man called Dave
Who didn't know how to behave
Cut the staff to the bone
Now he's left on his own
But think of the money he'll save
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: penguin on 10-02-19, 01:29PM
Someone should do a Ballard of Matt the tw*t, the idiot who you will remember got paid millions of pounds for writing thoughts for the week and going into a superstore and asking staff to sing if your happy and you know it clap your hands.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: whatajoke2019 on 10-02-19, 10:18PM
Absolutely brilliant!

There was once a d!ck head called Matt
Who said if you're happy, give me a clap
His thoughts of the week
Were sh-tty and weak
Shame he forgot
He's a tw!t
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: BarryZola on 11-02-19, 07:13PM
When Dave picks up his yearly bonus,
 he shouts "Show me the money!",
But when I get my 6 years compo backpay,
that s**t is gonna be SOOOOO funny!

 >:D
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Lunamoonhare on 12-02-19, 12:29PM
A couple of haikus:

Those on the shop floor
Suffer most from these cut backs
CEO cares not

Every layoff helps
Shareholders are delighted
Hard workers ignored
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: 1 on 12-02-19, 12:48PM
It's not even delighting the shareholders
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Lunamoonhare on 12-02-19, 01:08PM
It fit the format for a haiku....and greater profits will please the major shareholders. Not the likes of GAs on the shop floor, though, granted.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: oldandundervalued on 12-02-19, 01:11PM
Dave said that he’d lead from the front
But lives are destroyed to be blunt
Takes his millions and laughs
Pure contempt for the staff
He really is one evil Chief Executive Officer
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: dataself on 12-02-19, 03:02PM
Thanks for making me smile on a day that's been c**p as usual at work, I feel loads better now, please keep them coming, and so true they are, I believe that he screwed the staff at Unilever in the day he was c.e.o there too.
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: lackofinterest on 12-02-19, 05:41PM
he'll do the same wherever he goes next. it's all he knows. he thrives on it because he's a selfish, capitalistic piece of s***e >:(
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: whatajoke2019 on 13-02-19, 12:06PM
Drastic is his name
Unemployment is the game
The T---o tree
He tried to chop
And how we laugh
As the share price flops
Title: Re: The Ballad of Drastic Dave
Post by: Nomad on 13-02-19, 07:39PM
This thread started well but has now descended into using unpleasant words/remarks to make a "rhyme".  So before it goes to far it is being locked.